I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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