why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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