Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
