You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
so much tequila, so little girl.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
