Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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