you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
