I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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