Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
