The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
