Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
