Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
