he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
