I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
