Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
