Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
