I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
