True but thats because hes a fetus.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
