Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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