I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
