so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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