toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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