She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
