Jerry, you need to find god
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
As shirtless as possible
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
