he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
