I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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