ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Hippo gnu deer
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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