whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You have to summon your inner elephant
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
