Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
