I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
