Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We talked him into tasing himself.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize