$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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