We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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