Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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