and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize