Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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