i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
