I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
