Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
