i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
