i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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