the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
