People with herpes should wear stickers.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
