the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
