So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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