Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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