angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
