I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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