we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
