Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
