ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
