the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
