if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize