So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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