i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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