thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
