Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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