i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
