I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
