there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
