Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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