dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
