i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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