we have pet lesbian snakes
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
