i don't like sucking hair
we made out on top of his cat.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
