He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
