apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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