Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
