So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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