No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
