I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
