And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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