I'm lost and stupid without you.
youre lurking in front of me
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
