Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
