tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
