I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
