I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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