my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
