we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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