Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
