Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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