My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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