If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
