I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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