Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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