I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
