Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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