She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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