Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize