i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
