I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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