Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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