I just threw up on my dentist
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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