His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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