Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
