i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i think my cat just said my name.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
