wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
