I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
