I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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