kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
