Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
