i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
