i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I need a beard to bite.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
