I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
