He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
