I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
