just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
