He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
