i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
