I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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