My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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